You’ve asked your child to put their shoes on. The shoes are beside them, you’re already running late, and somehow they’ve started building a tower with the cushions.
You ask again. Your voice gets louder. Now everyone is upset, and the shoes still aren’t on.
Moments like this can leave you wondering how to discipline a child who won’t listen. A helpful place to begin is with a clear instruction, an expectation they can manage, and a calm response you can follow through on. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends these approaches as part of positive discipline.
Before repeating yourself, pause and check what your child needs to understand or do next. Sometimes you’ll need to hold a limit. Other times, you’ll need to help them get started.
Start With What Happened Before the Refusal
Think about the few minutes before your child stopped cooperating.
Were they deeply involved in a game? Had you given several instructions at once? Was everyone trying to leave the house in a hurry?
These questions give you something practical to work with. If the difficult moment happens every morning, for example, you could lay out the shoes earlier or leave more time for getting dressed.
Try asking yourself, “What would make this task easier to begin?”
Make Your Request Easy to Understand
“Get ready” can mean several different things. Your child may need to get dressed, find their bag, brush their teeth, and leave a game unfinished.
Start with one action.
“Put your socks on” gives them a clear place to begin. Once that’s done, move to the next step.
You can also say what you want to see. “Keep the blocks on the floor” is more specific than “Behave yourself.” For young children, showing the action can help explain your words.
The AAP recommends simple directions and expectations that fit a child’s age and understanding. Read its guidance on healthy discipline.
Give Them a Moment to Begin
After giving an instruction, it’s easy to repeat it immediately.
“Put the book away. Did you hear me? Come on, we need to go.”
Try making